Last night as I was sitting in meditation aware of my own discomfort arising through the physical body, I allowed myself a moment of petulance. I am not proud of it. But I am an honest being so petulance is indeed what was popping up for me, so I will name it. Petulance! There you are. I was petulant.
My inner voice was aware of a feeling of being off centre, being in dis-comfort, feeling hard done by and a bit sorry for herself. And as I sat and nursed her, box of chocolates near to hand to be on the safe side. My inner dialogue at that moment said, “What’s the point in talking about this. What is the blooming point in even speaking my truth. It ain’t going to change a thing.” Arms folded, legs crossed, and an internal “Humph.” Pass the Thornton’s please.
Fortunately the petulance only lasted a moment and my higher self, the voice of my intuition reminded me that releasing our truth is the beginning of the healing. It is the first step on the path to feeling full of joy, acceptance and love.
So knowing that resistance is futile, I just got on with it. Taking a deep breath, pushing the chocolates to one side for later I wrote down my feelings honestly in a letter I am unlikely to post.
And hells bells I feel a lot better.
So after a client missed their appointment this morning. Fortunately a rare occurrence,I thought I would share this little bit of wisdom with you all.
Remember resistance if futile. In a non Star Trek way, (for the non trekkies out there the expression comes from the Borjs, not a Swedish group, an army of clones stripped of all personality hell bent on turning the whole universe into part of the collective conciousness).
It is really easy to get hung up on what the feeling is you are suffering, the lack of love, support, honour, the need for more in your life or the feeling that you are just not getting what you want from those around you.
But worrying around the feeling without actually digging deep and doing some serious work to express it, honour it, hear it and then release it is only creating more anxiety within. You are feeding the mind that is holding the issue.
So when I hear people say, “If I speak my truth and nothing changes then what? What will the point have been? Surely it is better to just keep it to myself?” I take a deep breath and remember that I too say just that.
At times like this both personally and professionally I feel it is useful to remember that change comes from within ourselves, and whilst others may choose not to hear our truth. May not listen or see their part in our healing journey, we will have spoken, we will have given our voice power, freedom and space. We will have heard our pain. And honoured it in its telling. Then the part of us within that is suffering, has been ignored, abused, hurt, damaged, tormented will have began it journey to healing.
After all. all healing is self healing.
We will have been brave and nurturing and honourable. This can be a healing in itself. A learning to speak our truth. A learning to honour our inner child.
So speak your truth in the way that feels safe to you. Write it down, tell a friend, a counsellor, pray, write a poem, a song, sit in a circle of honourable ones who share your belief system and will hold you with integrity and kindness.
But find a way to speak your truth.
The healing which begins when we express our pain can be a powerful catalyst for emotional, physical and spiritual change.
Give yourself this gift.
Blessings one and all.